It is not uncommon to hear from people who successfully recovered from depression “Talking to my husband about depression was the smartest choice I made.” Being sincere and emotionally vulnerable with your partner can be a challenge, especially for people who are used to dealing with their feelings on their own. Yet this may be necessary to help you in your treatment and to save your marriage as well.
This article will show you how to open up to your husband about depression and explore helpful tips for honest conversations. You can also learn how to build understanding and support in your relationship through effective dialogue.
Understanding the Importance of Explaining Depression
It is essential to share your struggles with your husband if you suspect you may have depression or if you went to a doctor and formally confirmed your diagnosis. It is well known that the earlier you receive treatment, the sooner you can recover – and who better to support you in your recovery than the partner you trust?
The emotional impact of depression on partners cannot be ignored – couples that have been in love for years may feel distant from one another, experience physical intimacy issues, and even struggle to have a normal conversation without feeling frustrated. One of the common misconceptions about depression in relationships is the belief your marital status or a long-term relationship alone should make you feel better and cure your depression yet it is not true – this is a road with many obstacles, and talking about depression with your husband should be one of the first steps you take.
Preparing to Talk About Depression With Your Husband
If you are planning to tell your partner you are struggling mentally, you should thoroughly prepare for this difficult conversation. Here are some tips you may take into account:
| Recommendation | Description |
Recognize the Right Time for the Conversation |
Make sure you choose the right moment to inform your husband about your struggles. The best time to do it is when you are alone, there are no distractions around you, and no one can bother you with a phone call – for example, during a dinner or before you and your husband go to bed |
| Understand Your Own Feelings Before Explaining Depression | Whether you are able to do it on your own or you go to a counselor who helps you explore your inner world, it is important to explain to yourself what you feel before you bring up this topic in a conversation with your husband |
| Approach Sensitive Topics Like Anxiety and Mental Health Struggles | While it may be hard to explain your anxiety to your partner just like it is difficult to let him know you have been diagnosed with depression, do not shy away from your mental health condition and do not choose the words that misrepresent the situation |
How to Go About Explaining Depression to My Husband to Make Sure He Understands?
When you are talking to your husband about depression, there may be things he will not understand – and not for the lack of trying. Since you are the one who got the official diagnosis and better insight into this mental illness, you should meet your partner halfway to ensure they grasp the situation:
- Use simple and relatable terms. If your husband has never experienced depression, he may confuse it with sadness or irritability, which we all deal with from time to time, so try to avoid complicated medical terms or methods of treatment until the basics are understood.
- Explain depression with analogies. Some people find it easier to comprehend what is going on if they hear a metaphor or visualize this condition with an abstract concept. For instance, to explain the feeling of hopelessness and mental fatigue you have felt for a while, you may say you feel as if you are carrying a large stone and are unable to put it down to focus on anything else.
- Describe anxiety and depression together. In case both anxiety and depression manifest at the same time or your anxiety transforms into depression, it may be necessary to describe anxiety to your partner before a more serious condition is brought up.
Addressing Your Husband’s Questions and Concerns
Many people are hesitant to start a dialogue because they are scared of confrontation and uncomfortable questions they may have to handle on top of their mental condition. After you speak, give your husband the opportunity to express his mind – and here is how you can continue your conversation:
| Advice | Description |
Explain why you are feeling depressed without blame |
Unless your therapist advised you to stand up to your husband who has been causing you grief, it is required to pick the right words to state the reality of the situation – if you had a physical illness, you would not go around assigning blame |
Answer common questions like “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” |
Prepare a list of questions you believe you will hear during the conversation and come up with answers for them. You can tell your partner you have been moving at your own pace, and it was essential for you to make peace with the diagnosis before sharing it with anyone else |
Reassure your husband it is not his fault |
Even though in some relationships the behavior of the husband can easily contribute to his spouse’s mental illness, if you are not putting any blame on him, let him know depression was not the result of his actions or words |
How to Help Your Husband Support You During Depression
A supportive spouse will want to be involved in their partner’s depression treatment and recovery – he can be your number one supporter as you are regaining control over your emotions and returning back to normal life. Still, you need to be strategic as you are enlisting your husband’s help:
- Come up with practical ways your husband can be supportive. We all view support differently – your husband may think a dinner date and flowers may be what you need to feel happy while you are simply too overwhelmed for any kind of special event. Instead of adding new responsibilities, ask him to share the old ones with you and find ways to get physically and mentally healthy together.
- When your husband asks, “How can I help?” Do not hesitate to delegate tasks and chores you have been in charge of forever. You may not even realize it but running certain errands may be one of the reasons your depression does not leave you so prepare a list of obligations your husband is going to be responsible for until you get better – and maybe even after that.
- Set boundaries while seeking support. For example, if it is important to you to attend counseling sessions alone and your depression is not rooted in family disputes or anything that would involve your husband, protect your privacy and let your husband know he will not join you in the office of your therapist.
Tips for Managing Depression as a Couple
Whether the depressed partner was not heard during their marriage or their recovery showed them they would be better off without their husband, depression is a tough challenge for any relationship. Here are a few suggestions you should bear in mind as you are navigating your life post-diagnosis:
- Strengthen your relationship during tough times. If you love your partner and you see your future with him no matter what, keep making romantic gestures and respond to your husband’s invitations to spend quality time together.
- Unfortunately, many people think, “To explain depression to my husband means to push him away.” Unless you are directly blaming your spouse for your mental health condition as you are breaking the news, hope for his understanding and tell him your mental health issues are not his fault.
- Find strategies to cope with depression together. For example, in case your therapist advises you to change your lifestyle to feel better in the long run, exercise, and do sport with your husband – you both can feel good while you are spending time together fighting against your depression.
Frequently Asked Questions About Explaining Depression
- Can talking about depression with my husband improve my mental wellness?
If you assume “To explain depression to my husband would make the situation worse,” yet so far your partner has been nothing but supportive, loving, and caring, you should give him a chance to prove himself when the stakes are high – relying on a partner who truly cares about you will help you in your battle.
- How do I tell my partner I am depressed without overwhelming them?
Make sure you pick the right time for the conversation – do not bring up your depression when your partner is anxious or worried about something. Stay positive and strong to ensure you are heard and understood and be ready to answer questions about your current mental state.
- What if my husband does not believe depression is real?
Do I tell my partner I am depressed if he dismisses the existence of mental illnesses? This complicates matters for you as you may be met with distrust instead of unconditional support. If you want to involve your husband in your treatment and demonstrate to him the gravity of the situation, you may invite him to join you in individual or group therapy where he learns more about depression and stops being yet another hurdle on the path to recovery.
- How do you explain anxiety to your partner along with depression?
It may be easier to explain anxiety to your partner before you move towards explaining further issues that are less common – let your husband know you have been feeling stressed, nauseous, and sweating as if every day of your life is the day before a big exam you are not prepared for. As for depression, put your physical sensations into words and metaphors that are more familiar to a person with no mental health issues.
- Can I help my spouse with depression?
As long as you are listening to your partner’s concerns and fulfilling their requests related to their treatment or aimed to make their life easier, you have a chance to improve your relationship and their mental wellness. While it may be challenging to help a spouse with depression, if you care about this person’s well-being and your family as a whole, you should take responsibility and step up.
