“My husband relapsed” – this is the sad reality of thousands of spouses who have to deal with their partners’ addiction all over again. While setbacks are often inevitable whether the person is physically or mentally ill, it can be soul-crushing to learn your husband who previously kept his alcohol use disorder or drug abuse under control could not manage it well enough and started drinking or taking drugs once again.
In our guide we will list the steps you should take when you suspect or know your husband is doing drugs or consuming alcohol again, advise you on measures that will ensure your life remains balanced with or without future recovery, and tell you if it is okay to move forward when your spouse does not want any help.
- Know the Signs of a Relapse
Early intervention is key when it comes to both mental and physical health – this includes recognizing the signs of potential substance abuse in a recovering addict. Whether it has been months or years since your husband last drank or did drugs, here are several behavioral patterns that unite people that relapsed:
- Changes in Behavior and Self-Isolation.
There is nothing wrong with occasional anger or the desire to be left alone for a while; however, when your husband is irritated all the time, prefers to spend time alone or away from you and other family members more and more, and looks anxious, that may signify he relapsed.
- Hygiene Indifference.
Even if the physical relapse has not occurred yet, it is possible your husband is experiencing a mental relapse – if he does not shower, brush his teeth, wear new clean clothes, or participate in activities he used to carry out daily, this may mean he is not well.
- Rekindling Old Friendships That Harm the Addict.
Catching up with an old friend is a good thing but for a recovering addict this often means falling back into old habits – if you learned your husband met or plans to meet up with someone who used to encourage his addiction in the past, there may be a reason to say “My husband relapsed.”
Remember that the aforementioned actions do not automatically indicate a relapse – your husband may have had a rough time at work or there are other mental health issues whose symptoms you have noticed. Do not suspect him of behavior you are afraid of and do not burden yourself with negative thoughts – ask him if he relapsed or not.
- Talk to Your Partner About Their Relapse
Direct communication is the best strategy – ask your husband if the recent changes in his behavior mean the worst thing you suspect which would be the relapse. Once you get the confirmation (in some instances, a partner will lie and hide until confronted with the truth), here is how you should speak to your spouse:
- Avoid Frustration and Anger.
It is understandable – you are hurt and you feel betrayed especially if you had to deal with denial of alcohol or drug use. Still, these feelings are counterproductive – your goal is to make sure your husband knows you are in his corner in this fight.
- Let Your Husband Talk.
If the relapse was triggered by an event or conversation with someone, it is good to allow your partner to speak up about his worries and concerns. Understanding what went wrong will help both of you in the long run.
- Come Up With a Plan.
While it may be tempting to start the dialogue right away, wait until you and your husband have an opportunity to speak privately and be ready for the discussion – for instance, do your research online and offer him to seek therapy without delay.
- Ask Your Partner to Get Professional Help
Therapy can make all the difference when it comes to substance abuse especially when a person who opted for a healthy lifestyle stumbled on their path. There are two main ways to advise addiction treatment if your husband has relapsed:
- Offer him to go to a doctor in a private conversation.
As we have mentioned above, talking one-on-one is a preferred way to bring up the potential relapse – this will give your partner space to come clean about his bad habits.
- Stage an intervention.
Gather family members and closest friends of your husband to help him realize he has a problem. Interventions are effective in case your spouse fails to see how his loved ones are hurt by his addiction – also this may be the safest way to deal with the person who has been exhibiting violent behavior since the relapse happened.
- Practice Patience & Compassion While Your Partner Is in Recovery
Here are a few suggestions and tips for a spouse who wants to help their partner while he is recovering:
- Show your husband you understand what he is going through.
Whether you experienced similar troubles or not, it should not prevent you from putting yourself in the shoes of the person struggling with addiction. Learn as much as you can about the types of therapy and the recovery timeline and support your spouse every day.
- Do not neglect your own needs.
Alcohol and drug addiction take their toll on the families of the addicts – dysfunctional life may have become your reality but it should not be this way forever. Remember your own existence has value and practice self-care to be able to carry on no matter how the recovery process goes – we strongly recommend you to seek private counseling and tell a therapist, “My husband relapse,d” to get the support you need.
- Be ready for changes.
Whether the challenges ahead of you are psychological or financial, sometimes it takes a lot for a couple to handle the damage caused by addiction. You may have to move, get another job, or get rid of close friends if they were enabling the addiction – it is hard to predict what may happen when your husband is on his road to recovery. Be patient and rely on each other in these tough times.
- Know When to Walk Away
It may be the most difficult decision in your life to break up with your husband if his addiction affects you and you cannot deal with the situation. Yet if it must be done for your own safety and the safety of other family members, in particular your kids, make sure you are ready for this step. Here are a few signs you need to take into account when leaving a spouse struggling with addiction:
- You offered him to undergo treatment but he refused.
It is not possible to get an adult man into rehab if he does not want to go – however harmful the addiction is, at the end of the day, it is the individual’s choice to recover.
- The behavior of the spouse puts you and other people at risk.
Naturally, this includes physical abuse the person may inflict on anyone around them but do not forget to consider the financial aspects of the lasting addiction – if your husband spends all your money on drugs, your kids may not get the education they deserve which is obviously a massive consequence to bear in mind.
- You notice a negative impact of your husband’s addiction on your own mental health.
Anxiety, insomnia, and depression are rather common when your partner no longer lives a normal life. If your own mental well-being is in danger, it may be time to put an end to a relationship – come to that conclusion on your own or with the help of a therapist.
Spousal Addiction | FAQs
- What do I do if my husband relapsed again but doesn’t want help?
Remember that there is only so much you can do when the person categorically refuses any kind of treatment – proceed with rational arguments but remember your life and safety matter as well so be ready to remove yourself from the situation as soon as your husband’s addiction threatens your well-being.
- How do I set boundaries when married to someone who is an addict?
It is important to let the addict know what he can expect if his bad habit continues – inform your spouse you will either leave or inform authorities if he brings drugs to the house, ban communication with people that enable the addiction, and give your husband the deadline to seek therapy and start resolving his issues.
- How can I recognize a potential relapse?
Out-of-character behavior, unexplained expenses, secret meetings with people that enable addiction, lack of enthusiasm for previously loved activities and hobbies – all these signs are quite common when the former addict goes back to his old lifestyle.
- Can I help my husband on my own if he relapses?
In many instances, professional help is the only way forward especially if this is not the first setback in recovery. Offer your husband to book an appointment with a therapist or search for a support group full of individuals who used and abused the same substance.
- How can I find a good rehab for my husband?
If your husband has never had any treatment for his addiction, you can look online for local mental health institutions and rehabilitation facilities that specialize in treating people with his condition or ask friends for a referral. Talk to several mental health professionals to find a therapeutic approach that works for you and your family.
